Clarity
by southern cross
Summary: He had made his choice; after the shooting Calleigh makes her own choice. Those choices bring her back to the first, the best.


I know this isn't a popular pairing but I love Calleigh, love her so much, but I hate how she has compromised herself to be with whatshisface, so I wrote this and feel better for it. I own nothing and mean no harm.

There were two distinct moments that had led her here.

Here being Colorado; which was beautiful, the mountains, while making the short flight of stairs to the hotel lobby irksome on her lungs, were splendid.

And there was snow. already, everywhere. Having left Miami in slacks and a light jacket, bundling up in jeans and sweaters for early November was a treat.

From her hotel room she could see Denver spread out, covered in white, and she missed nothing about the sun and heat of the Panhandle.

Those very things used to make her smile, sharing laughs because no matter how much sun she stood in, she was forever pale. Sunshine was for smiling and there hadn't been much to smile about lately.

Her general unhappiness had begun with her first moment of clarity. Running through the Glades absolutely terrified she would be the one to find Eric's battered body, but just as disgusted with the thought that he might not be found at all.

Every part of her had wanted Eric to be alive and whole. His death would have been devastating, to her, to Horatio and she had prayed with everything in her that he would be alive and come back to them.

Horatio had found him, it was appropriate, he was the one who had found Eric in the first place, and so it was right that he be the one. And Calleigh knew that it was Horatio who had brought Eric back when he was lying there in that hospital bed.

Flying out of Miami International she had left her car in long term parking, she was after all on a mission; she had felt the burdens of the past year leaving her shoulders. Her vacation time had accrued to something unbelievable; she hadn't touched an hour since Antigua, so she was planning on making the most of each day.

The first thing she had done after checking in, before she began her first round of inquiries, was book the most comprehensive spa package the hotel offered. For three zeroes she had peeled and buffed and massaged until her skin glistened as much as it ever had.

The stylist had convinced her to slough off a few inches to her hair and go a shade or tow darker, the results were dramatic and she had been thrilled.

Every little step had made her feel more like Calleigh Duquesne, CSI, and less like the Calleigh who supported everyone (Eric), backed them up (Eric) only to have them (Eric) walk all over you and do what they wanted regardless of the consequences Duquesne.

Snorting, her mind had been rambling something fierce these days, she knew her thoughts were wandering because she wasn't at work obsessing over a case or three, but that was OK, she was OK and she was almost happy.

That second moment, the one that had fast tracked her way here, had been that morning, outside with Natalia, when she had told her friend that she had shot at Eric on purpose because she was a suspect fleeing the scene.

Natalia had not looked at her the same since and she was fairly certain Ryan knew too, Natalia had chosen that week to be close to Ryan. Calleigh had no doubt that come next week the distance would be right back.

Ryan's headache, Calleigh had been honest and with that had come the clarity.

She was done with Eric. Whatever happened to him, personally (she didn't want him dead) or professionally (she would never trust him at her back again) she was moving on.

There had been no big goodbye, he called though, often and sent flowers and letters but she had said what she meant that day and he had made his choice and that was that.

She was more of a cop than she knew and he was less of one. That's what it had all boiled down to for her. That revelation had been scary. A big part of her had felt like Eric was it, the one that would make the hours off duty as normal as possible.

Now it looked like normal wasn't in the cards for her, at least that was how she read them. Coming to terms with that had taken longer than she would have liked. Hell, she was still working through it, the 'it' being the fact that she might never find someone who could understand her and support her the way she wanted.

And then the final moment of clarity, the big important one that stood apart the other two; she had someone like that.

The afternoon she had gone in search of new pens, she had passed a travel agency and her memories triggered a laugh, deep and throaty. Jake Berkeley, her first love, maybe her last love, but he always was and always had been special.

Any mention of Jake had sent Eric into a fit, and looking back on it she could see his insecurity and why.

Jake had been everything that Eric wasn't, but not in the ways she had blamed him for. Jake had been a cop through and through and that was why she had taken him back, stood by those long months, and Eric hadn't been.

So when she had passed on Jake's offer, had been far too demanding, because while she was a cop and a good one didn't mean she wasn't unreasonable or unfair. And she had been both with Jake.

A friend of a friend of a co-worker had told her that the ATF sometimes housed agents with blown covers (even when they lose it for an ungrateful ex-girlfriend) in Denver. Processing that information had taken time, no late night flights across the country had been found that evening.

Jake wasn't perfect, he had made plenty of mistakes, big ones and little ones, and he had hurt her.

But.

And yes there was but, she hadn't been the person then that she was now and so she had sat down one night, laid everything (she had two packs of index cards) out (on her dining room table) and decided; she didn't want to be alone.

And, more importantly, she didn't want to look anywhere but at Jake. From the moment she had started saying his name in her head and running through their memories together she had missed him.

That was when she had booked the flight. Before she made any attempt to look elsewhere, she had to find him, explain, and say sorry, anything and everything, and well who knew. Jake had never been one who was easy to predict and she had, did, liked that about him.

Rather than sleepwalking through her life, which she admitted she now most of the past twelve months had been exactly that, she was going to wake-up and go after what she had decided she wanted.

The second thing she had after checking into her hotel was catch a cab to the local precinct. She was not traveling with a side-arm, which had been harder than she had thought it would be, but she was going to be in town for the foreseeable future and it was polite.

More importantly she wanted her name logged, her picture taken, her address filed because she felt it down to her toes; people (Jake's people) would be watching.

Was it stupidity or romantic that she hadn't explored past the lobby, less Jake show and offers a guided tour of the city? Probably both, but that was what she was feeling, so it had been room service and the TV for the past week.

There were so many movies she had put off seeing and she was now catching up on seasons one and two of Gossip Girl. How had she not known that show existed?

He might be working; there was every possibility that even if he had wanted to come to her, he might not have been able to her. Or he simply had moved on. Given little assurance of his appearance she had little in the way of plans.

How long she would stay was probably the item she wrestled the most with. Not having a hard date of departure was so very hard for her organized psyche.

The knock on the door was not unexpected, as she glanced at her watch, lunch time had arrived, she a standing order with the kitchen for her breakfast and lunch orders.

"Coming," she grabbed her purse on the way; she liked to tip in cash.

"Sorry," swinging the door open, her heart skipped a beat when she did not see the familiar hotel uniform, she was trained better than that, and she should have who checked it was.

"Hello beautiful," oh, oh my, she certainly knew who it was.

"Jake," that voice, that hair, that damn smile, "Jake," she went to him or maybe he moved to her, but then there were touches and kisses.

"I missed you, God, Calleigh, I missed you so much," that was all she wanted, needed to hear.

With no hesitation, she pulled him inside and kicked the door shut behind her.

"You know I think I might never want to move again," Calleigh smiled, pressing a kiss to his shoulder.

"I have no objections to that," her accent had gotten thicker as the hours past huddled under the blankets.

They had talked; they had shared, telling more to each other in those few hours than they had in the months they were together.

"Happy?" she chuckled, "You always knew the right thing to say, and yes, yes I am finally happy."

Propping her head up on her arm she grinned at the man who had been her first and best love.

"I'm glad I came," Jake cupped her cheek, his palm against her skin made her shiver, "I knew you would Calleigh," turning her head she kissed his palm, "I'm glad you waited."


End file.
